How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just gift wrapped bread.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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