none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
