Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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