My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to align my fucking chakras
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
