I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
