sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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