The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
