I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
