man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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