his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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