How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
