I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
