uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
