Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
