Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
