bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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