remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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