Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
