Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
