stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
