your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
