guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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