I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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