We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
