Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
