wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
