Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
