I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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