Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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