Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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