Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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