My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
