so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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