Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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