What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
