If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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