It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
