Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
