Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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