I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
