forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
