Just cropdusted the office
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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