i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
