ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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