Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
