her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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