Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
