I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
