just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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