i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
